The Life and Times of Vine Bottle
by Disk 9
Summary: This is a story. A story about a brave, young wine bottle. He traveled far and wide, until he was finally defeated. By Byakuran. Yes, this is a semi-continuation on my other fic, Lessons from a Monkey. It's crack. It's also a birthday gift to The Ice Within. Happy B-day Icy!


This is a story. A story about a brave, young wine bottle. He traveled far and wide, until he was finally defeated… by Byakuran. Yes, this is a semi-continuation on my other fic. Again, it's crack. It's also a birthday gift to The Ice Within. Happy B-day Icy!

* * *

><p>Once upon a time, there was a- wait… I think that's the wrong story…<p>

It was a dark and stormy night when twin sun- wait… I _know_ that's the wrong story. How the heck did Plants vs Zombies stuff get onto my computer anyways?

Anywho, back to the story.

It was a pleasant day when Vine Bottle was made at the Vine Industries. The flowers had just bloomed, and there was a pleasant smell in the air. Vine had been stored before the day was over, and was all set for his 500 year wait. Let's fast forward a bit here, no?

* * *

><p>Vine was finally ready to be released from the cellar he had been stored in with his 99 brothers and sisters. There was a tearful goodbye, with crying all around. (Vine did not cry. He is our macho bottle. The hero of the story. Macho bottles and heroes of the story do not cry. THEY DO NOT! And this is not a denial. Or a river in Egypt.)<p>

Now, when all the goodbyes were over, Vine was loaded onto a ship with 9 other siblings, heading towards Italy. Apparently they were to be a birthday present to someone named 'Nono', but the deliverers didn't believe 'Nono' would accept, and would end up giving them to someone named 'Xanxus' instead.

When Vine heard this, he was mad. Mad all the way up and past his neck (I would have used ears, but he's a bottle). _'Who did this 'Nono' person think he was, declining Vine Bottle (as well as his siblings, but at this point he had forgotten about them)! The absolute horror! And to pass it on to a half rate person with a name like Xanxus! Who has a name like Xanxus anyways? Well?'_

Vine was determined to escape the evil clutches of these people. However… getting his siblings to agree was a different matter. The conversation went something like this:

Vine: …

Grape: …

Ivy: …

Bud: …

Sprout: …

Flute: …

Glass: …

Tank: …

Brew: …

Champ: …

Yeah… Bottles aren't exactly the best conversationalists (they aren't exactly good at naming each other either), but I'm sure you get the point, so I'm not going to bore you with the rest of their three hour long conversation. In the end, Vine was unable to convince any of his siblings, and he decided to strike out on his own. And then, he discovered another problem.

How in the world would he escape?

* * *

><p>Vine was still in deep thought when the end of the journey came, and completely missed his chance to escape. He was brought before an old, wizened guy. <em>'Hm… this must be 'Nono'. He seems okay… but he gave (or will give) me away! Must not think endearing thoughts…'<em>

As predicted, 'Nono' gave Vine, along with his siblings, to a man named 'Xanxus'. Vine was stored away with the others, while Tank was immediately opened. And Vine fell into a deep slumber. He was half aware that Champ was taken as well.

* * *

><p>Next, Flute was removed and drained.<p>

* * *

><p>Brew had been retrieved around a month after Flute had disappeared.<p>

* * *

><p>Afterwards, they had all been taken into a small dark space, with Grape packed separately. The long-haired minion was muttering something about needing to buy new shampoo and conditioner, and how Japan didn't have good brands. Everyone was thinking <em>'Huh?' <em>But no one asked.

* * *

><p>When Bud left, they were all more awake. The only ones left were Vine, Ivy, Sprout, and Glass.<p>

* * *

><p>Then Sprout was gone, and the only girl left was Ivy.<p>

* * *

><p>When Ivy was taken, Vine was exceedingly happy. <em>'No more nagging, annoying girls here.'<em> If only he knew…

* * *

><p>The next time the long-haired minion came down was barely a day away. This time, he was muttering about how his Boss wasted perfectly good wine to knock out a 'crazy pineapple haired pedophile'. He took away Glass.<p>

* * *

><p>When the door creaked open again, Vine was expecting to see the long-haired minion again. Instead, a scrawny little kid with a mane of brown hair creeped in, peering around anxiously before stealing away with Vine in his hands.<p>

Vine was taken away with the kid by a strange explosion of pink and purple. When the world finally stopped spinning, he was hidden quickly into a dark, cramped space.

After a week or so, Vine was taken out, polished, and hidden under the shirt of the strange brown haired kid. The light was blinding when he was finally removed, and he was able to see another strange person, this time with white hair. There was also a pineapple haired guy who flinched at Vine, and the 'Xanxus' guy that Vine faintly remembered. 'Xanxus' looked murderous at the sight of Vine in the brown haired kid's hands.

Before Vine could see anyone else, the world rushed around him, and he found himself crashing into the white haired guy's cranium. Then he had the strangest feeling of flying in all directions, and then there was no more.

* * *

><p>Thus ends the heroic story of Vine Bottle, who did not even realize he helped in taking out one of the world's worst criminals.<p> 


End file.
